When Forgiveness Tells the Truth

On 5 October 2026, Caleb Flynn was sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole for murdering his wife, Ashley. Reporting from the sentencing described members of Ashley's family expressing forgiveness while supporting that sentence. Statements written by the couple's daughters were also read in court.

What stayed with me was the room they made for both faith and truth.

Ashley was a daughter, sister, mother, friend, teacher and coach. Speaking of forgiveness did not require her family to make her absence smaller. They could name the devastation. They could speak of Jesus. They could support consequences.

I cannot know everything happening within their hearts, and I would not prescribe their response to another grieving family. But their testimony brought a question into focus for me:

When did we begin to believe that following Jesus means protecting people from the consequences of the harm they cause?

Grace makes room for truth

There is a way of appearing gracious that asks the wounded person to carry one more burden: keeping everyone comfortable.

Speak gently. Move on. Do not bring shame upon the family, the church or the community. Forgive. Think of the person's future.

But what about the future of those they harmed?

Forgiveness cannot require us to pretend that nothing happened. Grace gives us somewhere to bring what happened into the light.

In Recovering Wholeness, we begin with noticing. We make room to see what is here before rushing to fix it or make it presentable. Sometimes what we notice is grief. Sometimes it is anger. Sometimes it is the uncomfortable realisation that something we called loyalty has been keeping us silent.

Jesus does not need a polished version of our pain. We can bring Him the truth.

Forgiveness does not automatically restore trust

Forgiveness, trust and reconciliation are related, but they are not interchangeable.

Forgiveness can involve entrusting vengeance to God. Trust concerns whether someone is safe and reliable. Reconciliation requires participation, truth and a path towards repair; one person's willingness cannot create it alone.

Someone may be forgiven and still face prosecution. They may be forgiven and lose a position of authority. They may be forgiven while boundaries remain firmly in place.

Trust grows through what a person consistently does: acknowledging harm, accepting responsibility, respecting boundaries and demonstrating change over time. Religious language, tears and promises cannot do that work on their own.

Grace honours a person's humanity. Justice takes their actions seriously. Trust responds to evidence.

All three have a place.

Justice without surrendering our hearts to hatred

Romans 12:19 directs us away from personal vengeance. Romans 13:1–4 recognises the responsibility of governing authority to address wrongdoing. Together, these passages help me hold a distinction: I can release revenge while supporting justice.

And I do not have to become emotionally untouched before I am allowed to speak.

Anger can tell us that something precious has been violated. Ephesians 4:26 distinguishes anger from sin. We can bring anger into God's Presence and ask Him to guide what we do with it.

The question becomes: Will this move me towards protection, truth and repair, or towards humiliation and revenge?

Justice seeks accountable, proportionate consequences. It protects others and recognises the seriousness of what was done. It does not require us to delight in someone's suffering.

When spiritual language becomes a means of control

I have wondered about the resemblance between some forms of religious manipulation and the coercion used by exploiters, including traffickers. These are different realities, and they should not be treated as identical. Yet certain methods of control can overlap: fear, shame, indebtedness, isolation and the demand for unquestioning loyalty.

In a spiritually abusive setting, someone may be told that questioning a leader is questioning God. Reporting harm may be described as causing division. A boundary may be condemned as selfishness. Leaving may be presented as inviting God's punishment.

Sacred language can then become a way of making someone feel unable to say no.

This is a misuse of spiritual authority. It deserves to be examined, even when the person using it is admired, persuasive or important to us.

I want to follow Jesus with an open heart and an awake conscience. I want to remain teachable while still asking questions. Matthew 10:16 holds wisdom and innocence together. Discernment belongs within discipleship.

Bringing this home to South Africa

As a South African mother, I feel the weight of the country our children will inherit. I long for them—and the children they may one day have—to live with safety, opportunity and trustworthy leadership.

I also want us to examine the stories that influence our judgment.

Our history of racial injustice demands honesty and meaningful redress. But acknowledging that history must not become a reason to excuse present harm. Where guilt leads us to lower expectations of someone because they are black, we should question that response. Black South Africans deserve the same recognition of ability, responsibility and moral agency as anyone else.

Building people up can include education, opportunity, fair access and practical support. It also includes expecting integrity and addressing wrongdoing. No race, political party, religious identity or history of suffering should place a person beyond accountability.

We need capable leaders and public servants, transparent decisions and fair standards. We can examine whether policies deliver opportunity and competent service without making racial belonging a measure of someone's worth.

Nor should poverty itself be treated as evidence of wrongdoing. Compassionate support for a struggling household and accountability for an abusive adult can exist together. Children should never have to earn care by proving their parents made good choices.

We can honour historic wounds and still refuse present wrongdoing.

My allegiance to Jesus also calls me to examine the fruit of people who claim His name. The Flynn case makes that painfully clear. A Christian title cannot guarantee integrity. Equally, someone else's religion is not evidence that they intend harm. I can remain fully committed to Christ while respecting my neighbour's dignity and freedom of conscience.

For our country, discernment means asking concrete questions: Who is being harmed? What does the evidence show? Who is responsible? What action will protect people and serve the public good?

Prayer can accompany reporting wrongdoing, supporting survivors, voting thoughtfully, insisting on transparent leadership and building honest institutions. We can ask God to intervene while making ourselves available for the responsibility in front of us.

Free to follow Him truthfully

Perhaps some of our returning begins here: allowing Jesus to free us from the need to look like good Christians at the expense of being truthful ones.

We can be gentle and clear. Generous and discerning. Forgiving and firm.

We can love someone without giving them authority over us. We can help without accepting endless responsibility for another adult's choices. We can pray for repentance while keeping a protective boundary in place.

You don’t have to make yourself whole before you can walk with Jesus. You can begin by noticing where your conscience has been asking for attention.

What have I been afraid to name? Where has guilt been deciding for me? What would love look like if truth and safety had a full place in it?

Then we can entrust what we cannot control, take the next responsible step, and walk with Him.

A prayer for truthful love

Father, bring what is hidden into the light, including what is hidden in me.

Help me recognise where compassion has become guilt, where loyalty has become silence, and where my longing for justice has begun to harden into contempt.

Teach me to forgive without concealing harm, to establish boundaries without cruelty, and to seek justice without surrendering my heart to hatred.

Protect the vulnerable. Strengthen those who tell the truth. Bring those who have caused harm to repentance and accountability. Give our country leaders who serve with competence, humility and integrity.

Holy Spirit, guide our seeing and our responding. Let our children inherit the fruit of our courage, honesty and care.

Keep us close to Jesus as we learn to love truthfully.

Amen.

Sources and Scripture

• Associated Press, 5 October 2026: Caleb Flynn sentencing and family statements. Family responses above are paraphrased, not presented as quotations.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: What is spiritual abuse?
• US Department of Justice, COPS Office: DHS Blue Campaign: coercion and trafficking. The comparison concerns methods of control; it does not equate spiritual abuse with trafficking.
• South African Constitution: Public administration, section 195 and religious freedom, section 15.
• Scripture for reflection: Romans 12:19; Romans 13:1–4; Ephesians 4:26; Matthew 10:16; James 4:7; Micah 6:8; John 8:31–32.